Arkham Earth
by bat ops
Summary: Batman wonders if the planet itself is the real asylum.


Arkham Earth

Batman

Batcave

Seated before his batcomputer station, the Batman, gloved hands folded together before him, studied the many muted monitors and the varied media they displayed, and said, "Do you ever wonder if earth itself isn't the genuine asylum after all?"

Standing behind his employer's seated form to his symbolic right, hands clasped behind his back, Alfred replied, "I fear I don't follow you, sir."

"That's just it. I didn't see it either, until recently. It was ever so subtle, ever so behind the scenes, but I can guarantee you, Alfred – it's true."

"What prompted this latest trend of metaphysical insight, sir?"

Exhaling, Batman stood and moved away from the batcomputer. Standing beneath a rocky overhang, Batman fired his grapnel into the rock, ascended about halfway into the air before flipping upside down, and then proceeded to remain that way.

Observing the behavior that didn't surprise him in the least, Alfred continued to dust the various batcave workspaces. Overhead, the many kinds of world bats – which Batman had imported and filled the cave with – chirped and screeched as they did their thing.

"Ah, how very in-character of you, sir."

"You don't agree?" said his upside down employer.

Ceasing his current domestic duty, Alfred gave Batman's comments deeper thought. "I suppose it depends on what manner of context you're looking at it in. If you're seeking to juxtaposition your charming rogues gallery to that of the greater world population, then I don't see how that conclusion is possible."

"But that's what I mean, Alfred. At least my rogues – despite their various mental pathologies – are aware of their more unusual natures and aren't afraid to show that to the world."

"But isn't that for attention and spectacle too, sir?"

"It is, but don't forget that madness is human too, Alfred. In fact, the mad might be more in touch with their humanity than the rest of us are."

Alfred grew puzzled. "Are you...justifying their actions, Master Bruce?"

"Not at all. I'm simply stating that the mad are aware of things that we are not. If I didn't understand this too then I wouldn't be able to apprehend them so often."

"And...what of _him_, sir?"

"That would apply to Joker most of all."

Batman paused.

"You want to know something interesting, Alfred – Joker and I aren't all that different."

Alfred was stunned.

"Your reaction is expected, but hardly surprising. I beat Joker because he and I are similar - because I understand him. Gordon and I are both criminologists, but Gordon can't beat Joker alone – only I can. Why is that? Because I wear a bat themed costume and Gordon doesn't? Because I have unmatched training and resources? Because Gordon's the everyman cop and I'm the so-called superhero? No on all counts. It's really because Joker and I are both messed up on some level and thus have an implicit understanding there."

"That's absurd..."

"No, it's not. Do you think I came out of Crime Alley the same person I was before I went in, Alfred?"

Alfred bowed his head and said nothing.

"I recently read some psychology magazines on what mental health experts thought about me..."

"You shouldn't pay attention to such rubbish..."

"I'm an investigator, Alfred; it's what I do. It was actually quite interesting."

"Since when did you care for such things?"

"When they can help or hurt my mission as the Dark Knight. One psychologist said that whoever I really was that I loved being Batman. It's true; I do. Another said that I wear a mask to radiate and broadcast my rage, not to hide it. That's true as well.

"Some docs said that Joker and I are sexually attracted to one another and don't realize it..."

"I will not listen to this bloody nonsense any longer!"

Batman flipped around, dropped to his feet, and secured his grapnel. "This has nothing to do with homosexuality, as the Joker has no genuine orientation due to his chaotic pathology. I know I'm straight because my natural fantasies are most often about females. Thus, our connection is of a different nature entirely – of our both being emotionally disturbed. That's also what Harley Quinn doesn't get about her husband – he'll never truly love her. She just convinces herself of that to offset loneliness and fear of death."

"And what of you, sir? Will you ever marry?"

To Alfred's surprise, Batman shook his head. "No. If Batman were just a symbol, then, yes, maybe. But I really _am_ Batman, thus I will never want to be rid of the cowl – I wouldn't want to be. No more than Joker wants to be rid of his makeup. We're an eternal dichotomy of order versus chaos, Joker and I.

"And we always will be."

"And how does this all tie to your original belief that the world itself is an asylum, sir?"

"Because despite our many flaws, Joker and I both know who we really are. What I have yet to see proven is whether the world knows who it really is given its self-destructive tendencies. Until it does, it might just be the true asylum and Arkham Island the enlightened think tank after all."

"I can't say that makes any sense to me, sir."

Batman put a hand on Alfred's shoulder...and smiled. "I wouldn't think so, old friend. You're not messed up inside."

End


End file.
